I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
