I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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