I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
