You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
