that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
