She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
