this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
