He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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