I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
