I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
