Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
