I don't think brook has ever known best
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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