I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
