Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
