i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
