She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
