How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
