Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
