I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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