Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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