I understand Curling. That high.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
