Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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