hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
