my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
