In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
