My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
