So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
