how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
