He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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