My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
