you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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