dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
