There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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