I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
