I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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