When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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