i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
