ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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