woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
