i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Sober January is a disaster.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
