somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
