I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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