Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
