I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
