I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
