where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
