He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Come on in and take your pants off
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