he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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