Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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