I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
