so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
